The leaves are falling, and the seasons are changing. We anticipate changes in our lives, but rarely do we feel prepared for the actual shift into the new, or the loss of what went before. With every significant life change, even the ones that feel more positive, we experience grief in what is left behind. Much more of life is grief than we realize.
In my office in recent weeks, some of the most emotional moments with clients have been their reflections on life changes: a youngest child going to school for the first time, a best friend getting married, a sibling moving to a different state, a job promotion necessitating a change of location. Although all of these appear to be positive changes that bring benefits, it is normal and healthy to feel the loss of familiarity and an absence of something that was previously good.
We tend to label emotions as “good” or “bad” based on how desirable they are to us; however, all emotions are indicators and are essential for emotional health. While feeling grief is not comfortable, it informs us about what we value, where we find safety, and how we connect with others and with the world around us. Emily Buchar, a psychiatric counselor for the Ohio State Wexner Medical Center, explains that ignoring grief causes a “boomerang effect” where emotions come back later, and sometimes stronger than they were before. However, as we allow ourselves to feel the grief that accompanies change, our bodies experience release and our brains receive validation, allowing more capacity for joy, peace, relationship, and presence in the current moment.
So how do we experience grief in a healthy way in our lives? Carve out a few quiet minutes for reflection each day. Often sleep disruption, physical pain, or health problems arise before we realize that there is unprocessed thought or emotion that needs our attention. Don’t numb out. In a noisy, media-saturated world, we can avoid sitting with our thoughts and feelings for a long while. Many things with potential for good, such as social media, podcasts, TV shows, and phone calls, can become a constant pattern of avoidance that distract us from looking at and feeling complex or painful emotions. Recognize that we can hold multiple emotions at once. Being sad because of change does not mean that we are not happy for someone else, or that we would wish a change away. Finally, allow time to sit with discomfort and recognize that not only will these feelings pass, but we will feel better afterwards.
Grief is not a single season that passes as much as it is in some way an ongoing part of every season that we must learn to accept. As the seasons of life continue to change, remember that it is entirely normal for losses to ache and allow space and reflection as this arises to facilitate healing. As the Lord prunes things out of our lives, we can trust that He will provide good things in those spaces. Ultimately, any loss that we experience through seasons of change will result in good for us and glory for Him and we can rest in that.
Read more:
https://health.osu.edu/health/mental-health/why-its-important-to-feel-all-of-your-feelings
https://www.nami.org/blog/critical-things-to-know-about-emotions-for-mental-health-and-healing/
